Hello, my friend, and welcome back. I spend a lot of time thinking about performance, mindset, and how we navigate the messiness of being human. So, today I want to talk about something that feels more relevant now than ever: Resilience.
Brad Stulberg recently described the unpredictability of life as feeling like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane. It’s a jarring image, but it rings true. We live under the illusion of stability, craving a straight line of progress.
In reality, we are constantly riding the waves between order and chaos. Resilience is that learnable, trainable mental skill that allows us to not just bounce back, but to bounce forward—becoming stronger through the struggle.
Here are the eight principles I live by to stay sturdy when the world feels shaky.
1. Accept Reality, No Matter How Hard
Every time you fight against reality, you lose. It’s that simple. Disorder is an unavoidable part of the human experience. Resisting what is happening might feel good in the short term, but it leads to long-term distress.
I use a three-step process: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. First, I become aware: "Okay, I’m feeling out of alignment." Then, I accept it: "This is my reality right now." Only then can I move into meaningful action. If you don't confront what is actually happening, you cannot work with it.
2. Focus Solely on What You Can Control
Trying to control the uncontrollable is a surefire path to anxiety. To keep things simple, I focus on three things: Attitude, Effort, and Response.
There is a fundamental difference between worrying about a situation and actively exerting agency over it. Even in small doses, making a daily choice to act on what is within your power restores hope. Let the rest go; it’s a waste of your precious energy.
3. Respond, Do Not React
When "it" hits the fan, our instinct is to react instantly. But there is a famous concept—popularized by Victor Frankl—that between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom.
I recommend the 4P Framework by Brad Stulberg: Pause, Process, Plan, and then Proceed. By taking that breath, you move from a place of panic to a place of purpose. You aren't just a victim of your circumstances; you are the architect of your next move.
4. Embrace Optimism
I believe optimism is the foundation of mental toughness. It isn't about forced happiness or "toxic positivity." It’s the fundamental belief that things will work out through appropriate effort and focus.
It’s about emotional flexibility—the ability to hold hope and loss, or happiness and sadness, in the same hour. Research shows that people who can hold these conflicting emotions simultaneously demonstrate much higher resilience. Hunt for the "good stuff" in your day, even when things are dark.
5. Lean on Ritual and Routine
When the ground beneath you feels shaky, your routines provide stability. Whether it’s your morning coffee, a daily walk, or a gym session, the substance of the routine is actually less important than the consistency it provides.
Elite athletes rely on their process because it’s the one thing they can control regardless of the score. In baseball, you might strike out four times one night and hit three home runs the next. Your routine is the baseline that brings you back to center every single time.
6. Prioritize the Fundamentals
This is my "North Star." If you want to build the tallest building in the world, you have to dig the deepest foundation. For us, that means being brilliant at the basics:
Move your body regularly.
Prioritize sleep.
Eat nutritious foods.
Think well.
These are non-negotiable. They support the physiological and psychological strength you need to confront reality. When life gets hectic, don't let the basics fall behind for too long.
7. Ask for Help and Seek Connection
When we struggle, many of us have a strong urge to shut down and isolate. You have to resist that urge. Study after study—including the famous 85-year Harvard study on happiness—shows that social support is the number one factor in resilience.
Vulnerability builds trust. Great relationships take work and effort, but they are the key to the "good life." Don’t try to be a lone wolf; seek your community and be of service to others.
8. Release the Need to Force Meaning
Sometimes, things just suck. And that’s okay. We often feel pressured to find a "reason" for our suffering immediately, but growth usually arrives on its own timeline.
About 95% of life’s setbacks are things we can learn from, but for that other 5%, the only goal is to just get through it. We often see the meaning more clearly when we look back on challenging periods with a journal or reflection process. In the middle of the storm, sometimes just showing up is the win.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Showing Up
At the end of the day, resilience is about showing up. Nothing great happens if you aren't in the arena. Life is a nine-inning game. Progress happens little by little—gradually, then suddenly.
Apply these principles one at a time. Be patient with yourself. You have the capacity to bounce forward, and I 100% believe in you.
Take good care of yourself and others.
QUOTE FOR YOU
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." — Viktor E. Frankl
QUESTION FOR YOU
In the last 24 hours, did I spend more energy worrying about things I cannot change, or exerting agency over the things I can?
JOURNAL PROMPT FOR YOU
Think of a current situation where you feel like you are 'fighting against reality.' If you were to fully accept this situation exactly as it is right now—without judgment or the need to change it immediately—what is the very first small, controllable action you could take to move forward?
ARTICLE FOR YOU
SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY
I do a podcast called Something for Everybody, listen here.
This week’s upcoming episodes:
Tuesday - 1/27 - Ian Mai
Friday - 1/30 - Self Improvement Masterclass
Lots of love,
Aaron
Shop my clothing brand here
PS Drop a review on Spotify or Apple.
