Hey Reader,

I was having a conversation recently with a former Major League Baseball player, and predictably, the topic of identity came up.

If you’ve ever talked to an athlete who hung up their jersey for the last time, you know how hard that shift is. Their whole life, they were "the baseball player" or "the runner" or "the fighter." Once the sport ends, they step into this massive, terrifying black hole where they’re forced to ask: If I don’t play anymore, who the hell am I?

Here’s the thing, though: You don’t need to have played in the Pros to know what that void feels like.

Most of us are living in the exact same trap.

We wrap our entire identity around what we do and the roles we step into. We define ourselves as the corporate executive, the founder, the artist, or the parent. Then life happens—you leave the company, your project wraps up, or your kids grow up and move out—and suddenly you’re an empty-nester sitting in silence wondering what’s left of you.

When your title disappears, does your self-worth vanish with it?

The Trap: Defining Yourself by Output

When you tie your identity to what you produce or the hat you wear, you set yourself up for an inevitable identity crisis. Roles change. Jobs come and go. Seasons of life end.

If your core sense of self is built on external outputs, any change in your circumstances will pull the rug out from under your mental health.

We need a better way to think about who we are.

The Shift: Identity = Repeated Beingness

Instead of defining identity by output, think of it like this: Identity equals repeated beingness.

Your identity isn’t what you do. It’s how you show up while doing it. It’s your values, your core principles, and the personal philosophy you carry into every room you walk into.

The roles you play—partner, parent, teammate, colleague, creator—are just different spaces to express the underlying foundation of who you are. The foundation itself doesn't change when the room does.

Finding Your Core 3 to 5 Words

If you want to ground your mental health and stop feeling lost whenever life shifts, sit down and map out the core values that define your beingness. Pick 3 to 5 words that represent the energy you bring to the table regardless of the setting.

For example, two core anchors that ground my own identity are Zest and Consistency.

• Zest: Showing up with real, unfiltered energy in everything I do.
• Consistency: Reliability. Showing up every day for my family, my health, and my work.

Whether coaching, running a business, being a partner, or starting over from scratch, the hats change—but being zesty and consistent stays the same. That anchor doesn't depend on a job title or a trophy.

A Question for Your Week

Take a look at your life right now. Are you defining yourself by the roles you play, or by the values you carry?

What are the 3 to 5 words that define your repeated beingness? Find those, ground yourself in them, and stop letting changing circumstances dictate who you are.

Take care of yourself this week,

— Aaron

P.S. - I host a podcast called Something for Everybody and you can listen here.​

Also, you can directly support me and my non-profit here. ​

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